We all go through times when we are finding life a bit more difficult; it doesn’t mean you have depression, or anxiety, it just means you are human. Even the Buddha’s number one teaching is “Life is suffering”. Nowadays it is common to hear that we should “think positively” and “be happy”. There are plenty out to capitalise on the fact that as humans, we will not be at the peak of happiness all the time and able to think ‘positive’ thoughts every second of the day. I would say that I am one of the happiest people I know and my secret is: that I cry when I feel like it and let it out, I verbalise my frustrations when I need to and let it out. I get it all out and let it go and I am usually able to move back into happiness reasonably quickly. But it would be misleading to make out that anyone is feeling at the peak of happiness all the time.
“I learned a lot from dark nights of my soul… I learned a lot from the pain because the pain was a psychic message. Just like physical pain is, psychic pain is saying something’s wrong.” ~Marianne Williamson
You can learn a lot from your pain if you take an honest look at it. Don’t be scared of it, don’t try to avoid it, or suppress it. It is there to tell you something. As they say “you can only heal it if you feel it”. That’s the hard part but it is worth it to feel the peace at the other side.
Can you think of a time where you have grown in a positive way from a painful situation?
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We all know that sometimes it is hard to move on, without an apology, from someone who has hurt us… but did you realise that it can be hard to move on if you haven’t given an apology?
It’s true, an apology is not only for the other person. If you know in your heart that you have done something that doesn’t line up with the values you hold for yourself, your self-esteem will suffer, unless you follow the necessary steps to make up for it. Let’s say you have done something to hurt a loved one and you know you were in the wrong. There is no need to dwell on it, just apologise.
There are four steps to a complete apology:
(1) Own it. Realise to yourself that you have made a mistake.
(2) Admit to the other person involved what it was you did. Show them that you realise the consequences of your behaviour.
(3) Do everything you can to make amends for the situation. Make things right as far as you possibly can.
(4) Make a commitment to behave differently in the future.
If ALL of these steps are followed everyone involved will find it much easier to move on.
The apology will not be effective if you miss any of the steps: No one will feel better if you do not own what you’ve done, or you make excuses for why you did it. It doesn’t make anyone feel better to keep saying “I’m sorry” over and over, without doing anything to fix the situation. It definitely doesn’t help if you go out of your way to be nice to the person without ever acknowledging what it is you did wrong. It also undermines an apology if you go back to behaving the same way that caused the problem in the first place.
It could be that your other friend tells you they deserved it, it could be that your mother, or your therapist, tells you that everyone makes mistakes and it could be that the person you wronged has already forgiven you. These 4 steps are still needed. Then everyone will feel better.
In my experience when you receive a proper apology, it is easy to move on. You feel that your feelings have been validated and that the other person cares enough to make things better. People aren’t perfect and will make mistakes, knowing how to make a perfect apology is a useful skill.
Can you think of a time where a proper apology might have helped you to move on? Which aspects were missing for you?
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I can’t believe I’m actually writing my first blog post! This has been something I have wanted to do for a long time…but why? Well here are my top 5 reasons for writing this blog…
1 Because I’m writing anyway I am someone who journals and writes a lot anyway. I have an overflow of thoughts and ideas that often make their way onto paper, so blogging is going to be a fun way for me to share those thoughts with others. Those who know me will know that I’m rarely at a loss for things to say. I have plenty of opinions, ideas and logical thoughts, so why not see if all my ramblings are of any use/interest to someone else?
2 To find my people Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of lovely friends and family, many of whom fit into this category, but I’m looking for even more like-minds. I have four children to look after so I don’t get out much and this seems like a fantastic opportunity to connect with the world. I am a person who delights in self-development, self-empowerment and life-hacks with a sprinkling of spirituality, old fashioned values and happiness. I love to meditate, live life on purpose and enjoy life. I feel like I’m placing some kind of dating add (I’m not) but I hope that I can be one of your people and you can be one of mine.
3 To promote my book/business I’m currently writing a book that I’m very excited about and building a business that I love. I’m not going to bang on about it too much now but I can share information on this blog that I think might be interesting or entertaining and everyone can know that it’s out there.
4 To spread a little happiness I am the happiest person I know. I am irritatingly happy and this is no accident, I am not the richest person, or the most popular person and I don’t have the easiest life (I have four children for goodness sake) but I do know how to be happy. If I could give the gift of happiness to another that would be my greatest pleasure and if you are irritatingly happy already then it is a pleasure to meet you!
5 For fun I just think it seems like a really fun thing to do, something I’m simply going to enjoy. This is something for me, it may help me to organise my thoughts, it may help me to improve my writing but ultimately I’m just going to have fun with it.
Are you someone who writes a blog? Are your reasons similar to mine or do you have another interesting motive? I would love to hear your thoughts and any comments or encouragement gratefully received…