Judging Kavanaugh – Do We Care?


Yesterday I was glued to the CBS news streaming from my laptop on the kitchen table, watching the emotional testimonies of Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh.  Thankfully two out of four of my children were out with friends and my eldest was out at work so I didn’t need to feel bad for being completely immersed in what was going on across the pond.  A subject close to my heart, I had no spare attention for anything other than the basics of caring for everyone (preparing food, cleaning teeth, bath time, bedtime etc).

I was very thankful it was a school day/work day and there was no one home earlier in the day to witness the tears streaming down my face as I listened to Dr Ford recount her story.  My tears for her, for me and the thousands, perhaps millions of women watching around the world being triggered by their own #metoo experiences.  An article this morning in the Guardian said

“Across America women were sobbing in their cars, shaking at their desks as well as protesting outside the US senate”. 

This case for many people was not only about Dr Ford but something much deeper.  I saw women united across social media, together in solidarity against a system of patriarchy that has routinely undermined so much pain and hurt suffered by women.  Dr Ford bravely represented the millions of women who have been violated at the hands of millions of men. 

I have spoken to many women for my own research and no one escapes these issues regardless of their views.  More than 90% of women I have personally spoken to have suffered trauma ranging from sexual harassment through to rape and abuse by men, much of which seems to be deeply culturally ingrained as the norm.  This is quite simply unacceptable in what we like to think is civilised society.  I know that there are many good men out there but I also know that many good men have done bad things.  Some even unwittingly. 

Untitled design-2

What came across to me in the broadcast yesterday was Dr Ford’s openness.  Clearly an educated woman, she answered every question put to her with dignity and credibility.  In contrast Judge Kavanaugh’s statement expressed defensiveness, outrage and victimhood, claiming conspiracy.  His statement contained emotion, yes, but even if you had committed a crime you could feasibly be embarrassed, mortified, devastated about what you have to lose and emotional about what your family is going through.  What I personally would have liked to have seen was an example to the nation of introspection and self-examination.  To hear that he had looked back over his life through a woman’s eyes, scrutinising every interaction to see whether he could have possibly caused any offence.  Instead the whole scenario was completely out of the question, walls were up and defences drawn.  He was certain, without question, that this was not in his character.  He may be telling the truth that he doesn’t remember this incident but did he dare to question his own character at any point?  We don’t know.

What sums it up for me is a quote I found from Glennon Doyle:

“No one really believes this woman is lying. If they vote him in: It is because they believe her and don’t care. We should stop saying believe. It is not about that any more. It is about whether or not they care.”  

There could be people out there who doubt Dr Ford but the main question is “do they care?”  Women are watching, waiting with baited breath for the leaders of this powerful country to stand up and say they care.  That things must change for women.  That women will be taken seriously.

In a culture that has silenced and minimised the pain of women I do feel empathy for the men who will be called to account.  The rules are changing on them.  But the rules MUST change.  The blind eye is now having its vision restored. For the sake of us all in a civilised society, attention must be drawn to areas that are imbalanced and they must be brought into balance.  This is not about revenge but about our daughters being safe and treated with respect.  Justice perhaps but not revenge.  We need a resolve to do better and be better moving forward. 

What I would like to see is more of what is already in motion; truth being brought to light with open communication; Awareness being spread.  I would like to see some self-examination and accountability.  I would like to see public apologies by men who have behaved in a manner that they now, on reflection, find unacceptable. 

But if we vilify them they will not come.


I like to think it will be better for the next generation.  I already see a more equal playing field for them.  Last night as I sat glued to my laptop my 18 year old son came back from work and moved my laptop away from me to the centre of the table.  “What are you doing?” My tone was accusatory. He pulled up a stool.  “I’m going to watch with you.”

Yesterday was an emotional day.  This morning when I woke up my partner asked me “do you remember what you were dreaming last night?  You were whimpering in your sleep.”

To all the other women whimpering in their sleep last night.  I hear you.  I believe her.  Me too.



A Message To Those Who Are Struggling

Untitled design-2


We all go through times when we are finding life a bit more difficult; it doesn’t mean you have depression, or anxiety, it just means you are human. Even the Buddha’s number one teaching is “Life is suffering”. Nowadays it is common to hear that we should “think positively” and “be happy”. There are plenty out to capitalise on the fact that as humans, we will not be at the peak of happiness all the time and able to think ‘positive’ thoughts every second of the day. I would say that I am one of the happiest people I know and my secret is: that I cry when I feel like it and let it out, I verbalise my frustrations when I need to and let it out. I get it all out and let it go and I am usually able to move back into happiness reasonably quickly. But it would be misleading to make out that anyone is feeling at the peak of happiness all the time.

“I learned a lot from dark nights of my soul… I learned a lot from the pain because the pain was a psychic message. Just like physical pain is, psychic pain is saying something’s wrong.” ~Marianne Williamson

You can learn a lot from your pain if you take an honest look at it. Don’t be scared of it, don’t try to avoid it, or suppress it. It is there to tell you something. As they say “you can only heal it if you feel it”. That’s the hard part but it is worth it to feel the peace at the other side.

Can you think of a time where you have grown in a positive way from a painful situation?
Thank you for sharing this and sharing the love ❤️


4 Steps to the Perfect Apology


We all know that sometimes it is hard to move on, without an apology, from someone who has hurt us… but did you realise that it can be hard to move on if you haven’t given an apology?

It’s true, an apology is not only for the other person. If you know in your heart that you have done something that doesn’t line up with the values you hold for yourself, your self-esteem will suffer, unless you follow the necessary steps to make up for it. Let’s say you have done something to hurt a loved one and you know you were in the wrong. There is no need to dwell on it, just apologise.
There are four steps to a complete apology:

(1) Own it. Realise to yourself that you have made a mistake.

(2) Admit to the other person involved what it was you did. Show them that you realise the consequences of your behaviour.

(3) Do everything you can to make amends for the situation. Make things right as far as you possibly can.

(4) Make a commitment to behave differently in the future.

If ALL of these steps are followed everyone involved will find it much easier to move on.
The apology will not be effective if you miss any of the steps: No one will feel better if you do not own what you’ve done, or you make excuses for why you did it. It doesn’t make anyone feel better to keep saying “I’m sorry” over and over, without doing anything to fix the situation. It definitely doesn’t help if you go out of your way to be nice to the person without ever acknowledging what it is you did wrong. It also undermines an apology if you go back to behaving the same way that caused the problem in the first place.
It could be that your other friend tells you they deserved it, it could be that your mother, or your therapist, tells you that everyone makes mistakes and it could be that the person you wronged has already forgiven you. These 4 steps are still needed. Then everyone will feel better.
In my experience when you receive a proper apology, it is easy to move on. You feel that your feelings have been validated and that the other person cares enough to make things better. People aren’t perfect and will make mistakes, knowing how to make a perfect apology is a useful skill.
Can you think of a time where a proper apology might have helped you to move on? Which aspects were missing for you?
Thank you for sharing this and sharing the love ❤️


Why am I here (in the blogosphere)?


I can’t believe I’m actually writing my first blog post! This has been something I have wanted to do for a long time…but why? Well here are my top 5 reasons for writing this blog…

1 Because I’m writing anyway
I am someone who journals and writes a lot anyway. I have an overflow of thoughts and ideas that often make their way onto paper, so blogging is going to be a fun way for me to share those thoughts with others. Those who know me will know that I’m rarely at a loss for things to say. I have plenty of opinions, ideas and logical thoughts, so why not see if all my ramblings are of any use/interest to someone else?

2 To find my people
Don’t get me wrong, I have lots of lovely friends and family, many of whom fit into this category, but I’m looking for even more like-minds. I have four children to look after so I don’t get out much and this seems like a fantastic opportunity to connect with the world.
I am a person who delights in self-development, self-empowerment and life-hacks with a sprinkling of spirituality, old fashioned values and happiness. I love to meditate, live life on purpose and enjoy life. I feel like I’m placing some kind of dating add (I’m not) but I hope that I can be one of your people and you can be one of mine.

3 To promote my book/business
I’m currently writing a book that I’m very excited about and building a business that I love. I’m not going to bang on about it too much now but I can share information on this blog that I think might be interesting or entertaining and everyone can know that it’s out there.

4 To spread a little happiness
I am the happiest person I know. I am irritatingly happy and this is no accident, I am not the richest person, or the most popular person and I don’t have the easiest life (I have four children for goodness sake) but I do know how to be happy. If I could give the gift of happiness to another that would be my greatest pleasure and if you are irritatingly happy already then it is a pleasure to meet you!

5 For fun
I just think it seems like a really fun thing to do, something I’m simply going to enjoy. This is something for me, it may help me to organise my thoughts, it may help me to improve my writing but ultimately I’m just going to have fun with it.

Are you someone who writes a blog? Are your reasons similar to mine or do you have another interesting motive? I would love to hear your thoughts and any comments or encouragement gratefully received…